A woman set fire to her ex-husband’s penis as he sat watching television and drinking vodka. He was naked at the time. I guess it was an easy target!

The attack was the result of three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat in Moscow, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

“It was monstrously painful,” the wounded ex-husband said. “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.” Perhaps it was something he didn’t do!

Daniel Blackner, known as “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the Edinburgh festival. The circus is known for its oddball and offbeat performances.

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Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”